THE CRENSHAW FACTOR MADE SIMPLE

If Einstein were alive today he probably wouldn't have a thing to say
about the Crenshaw Factor, he probably wouldn't be a "T" hunter either. But like
Einstein we can simplify the Crenshaw Factor to a simple equation similar to
his' famous E=mc**2. But before we do this we must have a long period of
discussion, both here and on the radio, about the Crenshaw Factor, and we must
argue about the validity of any one "T" hunters method of evaluating It.

GRAVITATIONAL RED SHIFT AND HOW IT AFFECTS THE CRENSHAW FACTOR

Before we try to evaluate the effects of gravitational red shift on the Crenshaw Factor let's examine just how we measure the Crenshaw Factor. Let us assume that you are driving your "T" hunting vehicle toward the Palos Verde's start point on the day of an all day "T" hunt. You have allowed yourself about 25 minutes of extra time to get to the start point so you can determine your Crenshaw Factor. You get off the 405 freeway at Crenshaw Blvd. and proceed north on Crenshaw approximately 1/2 mile to Artesia Blvd. It is at this point that some rather tricky laws come into play. You must somehow get your vehicle turned around so that you are going south on Crenshaw without breaking any of these laws. If you do break one or more of these laws your temporal arrangements for this hunt may be disrupted by a member of The Force which could put you at the starting point long after the start time. This would disrupt the cosmic continuity of things and is not recommended.

Now that you are safely south bound on Crenshaw Blvd. at Artesia you must pull over completely to right-hand side of the road next to the Winchell's Donuts shop. You are probably already aware that the Force is usually present at Winchell's Donut shops so you want to follow all applicable laws very carefully at this time. Align your front bumper with the telephone booth and write down your current odometer reading. If you're vehicle is equipped with a trip odometer, set it to 0. Now, keeping the Force in mind, accelerate to a reasonable speed and position yourself quickly into the leftmost lane. Drive in this lane for approximately 10 miles to the corner of Crest Rd. and Crenshaw Blvd. Prepare to make a left turn at the stop sign, but before you do, jot down your odometer reading, or make a note of the mileage indicated on the trip odometer.

Now you will begin to appreciate some of the mathematical sophistication of the Crenshaw Factor. The formula for determining your personal Crenshaw Factor is:

Em - Bm = CF

Where:

Bm = The odometer reading you took at the Winchells Donut shop.
(BEGINNING MILEAGE)

Em = The odometer reading you took at the stop sign at
the top of the hill. (ENDING MILEAGE)

CF = Your personal Crenshav Factor.

Now we can address the effects of gravitational red shift on the Crenshaw Factor. Because all of the "T" hunters will experience the same relative effects from the earths gravitational field, gravitational red shift will not affect the Crenshaw Factor whatsoever.

IMPORTANT CHARACTERISTICS OF BINARY PULSARS THAT CAN BE
EXPLAINED BY THE CRENSHAW FACTOR

Recent research indicates that there is little fear that the relative
distance between the donut shop and the stop sign will change appreciable during
any given All Day "T" Hunt. Therefore scientists are convinced that using the
Crenshaw Factor as determined previously can be of significant value when
applied to the relative motion of the "T" hunters vehicles during a hunt.
Specifically, the Crenshaw Factor can help in adjusting discrepancies between
"T" hunt vehicle odometer readings.

From this point on there is little or no agreement among the experts about the application of the Crenshaw Factor. I will try to make a case for each of the current theories concerning the application of the Crenshaw Factor and I will try to lend insight to the life and times of each of the proponents of a given theory.

THE "0" THEORY

This theory was developed by Jim Forsythe whose call sign is AF60, from whence the theory gets it's name. Jim is regarded as an expert in the field of Crenshaw Factor theory and has attained this stature primarily through self proclamation.

The "0" theory clearly is the most simple of the theories. It banks on the fact that each vehicle will travel the same actual distance from the phone booth to the stop sign and that in order to properly determine relative standing between hunters you only have to know how many times the distance between the phone booth and the stop sign will go into the mileage driven to the hidden "T". The formula therefore is:

Md/CF = CU

Where:

Md = Odometer reading of miles driven to find the hidden "T".

CF
= The Crenshaw Factor, as determined in equation one .

CU = The actual
distance driven to the hidden "T" expressed in units equal to the actual
distance between the phone booth and the stop sign.

Jim believes in simplicity and therefore you would expect a theory such
as this one from him. I believe that this method works well enough and it is the
one I use. I asked Jim what importance this Crenshaw Factor calculation method
might hold for explaining characteristics of binary pulsars. The only thing he
could say was "What !"

THE "GO" THEORY

This theory was developed by Don Lewis whose call sign is KF6GQ. Don
wants the Crenshaw Factor to give him as much information as possible. In
addition to using it to determine relative standings among "T" hunters, he would
also like it to give a somewhat accurate representation of the actual miles by
which they differ. This way the hunter can evaluate his trip to the hidden "T"
and compare it with others.

Don would like the mileage to be expressed in actual miles driven to the hidden T. The formula that would give us this information is:

CU x CM = RM

Where:

CU = Miles driven to the hidden T expressed in Crenshaw units as
determined above.

CM = The true mileage between the phone booth and the stop
sign.

RM = The real miles driven to reach the hidden T expressed in actual US
standard miles.

This would be wonderful if someone knew what the true mileage is from the phone booth to the stop sign. Trouble is no one knows, or no one will say what the true mileage is between these two points. Don is willing to estimate it though and if everyone uses the same estimate the results will be fair and the RM number will represent with some degree oŁ accuracy the real miles driven to the hidden T. Just multiply the CU value obtained by the "0" theory by say 9 and you will have a value predicted by the "GQ" theory.

When I asked what important characteristics of Binary Pulsars could be explained by the Crenshaw Factor, he told me that he would "work on it". I see him reading lots of books about space and the universe lately.

Here is Dons brilliant/ thoughtful, and profound response to Jims theory;

"I have in all my short life, had to learn new standards: inches, feet, meters, quarts, angstroms, pounds, grams, light years, ad infinitum. Well I have had it!! I will not spend the rest of my life trying to understand what the hell a Crenshaw unit is. I much prefer that I went 134.7 miles to find the "T" not 12.075 Crenshaw Units. How absurd!"

COMMENTS FROM N6AIN

I AGREE WITH DON. CRENSHAW UNITS LEAVE ME COLD. IT'S MUCH MORE SATISFYING TO HAVE TRAVELED 250 MI. THAN 22.84 CRENSHAW UNITS. HOWEVER I DO THINK WE NEED TO GET A MORE ACCURATE MEASURE OF THE DISTANCES FROM PHONE BOOTH TO THE TOP OF THE HILL. MAYBE WE COULD AVERAGE EVERYONE'S NUMBER AND USE THAT AS THE BASE NUMBER. ENOUGH OF THIS. TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, "NOTHING". 73

THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE

Previously we learned that the distance between the phone booth and the stop sign does not vary. Can we really be sure of this. If we were to plot the average Crenshaw Factor among the various "T" hunters against time the graph would look like that shown below.

| 11 | | | | + 10 | + + | + + + | + + + + | + + + + + 9 | + + + + + + +------------------------------------- 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990

To what can we attribute this apparent lengthening of the Crenshaw Factor? The most plausible explanation has to do with the method used to revise the Crenshaw Factor when there is a mechanical change in the vehicle. Disconnection of the speedometer not withstanding, the most common mechanical change that affects the Crenshaw Factor is getting new tires. Because "T" hunters rarely want to run off the Crenshaw Factor more than once in there lifetime, they will estimate the increase in the size of there tires and then try to total the distance added by the bigger tires. Because this would reduce the number of revolutions of the wheel and thereby give one a smaller Crenshaw Factor, they reverse the effect of the percentage and add it to their current Crenshaw factor instead of subtracting it. This method is commonly known as Carefully Helping the Estimated Average Total, or CHEAT. "CHEATING" as it is called, is believed to be the cause of the gradual increase in the Crenshaw Factor over time.

THE CRENSHAW FACTORS EFFECT ON THE ORIGIN AND FATE OF THE UNIVERSE

It's hard to imagine a universe without a CRENSHAW FACTOR. The hunter who
came in with the lowest mileage on his odometer would know that he had won and
would not have to wait until the CRENSHAW FACTOR was applied. All "T" hunters
could sleep in an extra 30 minutes on Saturday morning before the "T" hunt not
having to allow time to do the "CRENSHAW RUN". Last but not least is the fact
that there would be no way to "FUDGE" the mileage shown on the hunters odometer.
Is it possible that the universe could exist without a CRENSHAW FACTOR, or was
the CRENSHAW FACTOR created along with everything else in the universe at the
"BIG BANG".

Is the CRENSHAW FACTOR the cause of the "BIG BANG". Some schools of thought believe that this might be the case. The tremendous tension that arises whenever the CRENSHAW FACTOR is invoked suggests that, if highly concentrated, it could render the force necessary to bring the universe into being, and most certainly enough to end it.

73,

STEVEN L. WALLIS

WA6PYE